An Explanation

What can I say? This blog is an assignment. Sure, I haven’t written anything in almost a month, but when does anyone actually find time to keep a blog? Who can take an hour out of their day, every day, just to spill their inane ranting all over the internet? Losers, that’s who. Losers with beer bellies who don’t work and would rather spend their days playing video games on dirty old beanbag chairs covered in Cheetos. What do you want from me?! I will not be one of those guys.

I’m not going to talk about music right now. Because I am a productive, refined, normal member of society, I haven’t found the time to listen to many new bands. I haven’t had the disposable income to spend on a CD in quite a while. No, as a productive, hard-working member of society I would prefer to spend my money on expensive ripped jeans from Abercrombie and Fitch and organic foods from Trader Joe's. If I do listen to music I prefer to keep it low-key. I listen to my eighties soft rock on the radio as I drive to and from school every morning. And that is enough. I will not strain myself for anything else.

So what have I been up to? Studying. As a productive member of society I realize that I must work my ass off regardless of the benefit it might afford me. I study because I have an obligation, not because I still need the grades. I’m in college, school is almost over, everyone else has come to realize that grades right now don’t matter. But will that stop me? No. Like all productive members of society I am obsessive compulsive to an extreme. I do things out of habit. And to all you seniors who have come to enjoy the freedom that you have worked so hard for twelve years for – shame on you. You are all immoral slackers doomed to live the rest of your lives in the dark of a windowless apartment kept just barely alive by the sickly light of your computer screens.

I have enrolled at Colby College. As a productive, proactive member of society I am excited, but only within strictly-defined cultural limits. As momentous an occasion as this is, I must keep my cool, displaying only a minimum of emotional response. No, I do not see my enrollment as an achievement or a privilege. It is merely an extension of my obligations as a productive member of society. But I must show some form of reaction, because to show none would also be abnormal. So here it is: I am excited to go to college.



That is all.